tony squares endorses NOTHING.

tony squares always remembers your birthday. it was may 17th. oops.

tony squares has never been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

tony squares doesn’t have any stories about awkward things that happened to him during puberty.

“my vida loca,” tony squares’s memoir, is only one page long. and it’s blank.

every girl tony squares dates will eventually get “all weird” on him.

tony squares best expresses himself using old mixtapes from high school. fyi: november rain sucked then, and it sucks now.

tony squares does comedy every wednesday at dangerfield’s. it’s an ironic thing where he’s doing standup but not really.

submitted by kathleen jordache, webmaster.