december 25, 1984: tony squares is spoiled rotten.
submitted by theo kennedy.

happy 4-20, mother fuckers! my buddy sent this to me because apparently it’s the biggest thing on the internet right now. it even got a two-page write up in “high times” magazine or whatever it’s called. i don’t like the message at the bottom, though. i don’t like things with messages.
there’s a rumor going around [...]

october 2nd, 1997: returning home after a horrible blind date, tony squares smells smoke and single-handedly rescues 34 people from a burning office building. he is awarded no medals for his stylish heroics, but, on the plus side, the second date goes much better.
submitted by helen keaton.