tony squares endorses NOTHING.

tony squares always remembers your birthday. it was may 17th. oops.

tony squares has never been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

tony squares doesn’t have any stories about awkward things that happened to him during puberty.

“my vida loca,” tony squares’s memoir, is only one page long. and it’s blank.

every girl tony squares dates will eventually get “all weird” on him.

tony squares best expresses himself using old mixtapes from high school. fyi: november rain sucked then, and it sucks now.

tony squares does comedy every wednesday at dangerfield’s. it’s an ironic thing where he’s doing standup but not really.

submitted by kathleen jordache, webmaster.

from tonysquarestshirts.com:

“just to let all of ya’ll know that any shirts purchased from us after may 2nd will feature a misprint (shown above). if you receive something other than what you ordered, let us know. thanks for your patience while we sort this out.”

submitted by chone geraldo.

december 25, 1984: tony squares is spoiled rotten.

submitted by theo kennedy.

i saw tony squares playing frisbee with his dog at a park in pasadena. afterwards, he fell down into the tall grass and took a nap that seemed like it would last forever.

submitted by ethan collette.

since election season is just around the corner, you’re going to be seeing a lot of people covering their gas-guzzling SUVs and their practical toyotas with bumper stickers advertising their favorite candidates with things like RE-ELECT SCHWARZENEGGER, WALKEN ‘08, KIRBY ‘0SHIT, BONO ‘U2, and A WOMAN PRESIDENT WHEN AMERICA IS READY. so, why not throw tony squares’s hat into the ring?

i wasn’t sure of what his slogan would be, so i put a quote.

submitted by janie krantz.

if tony squares was lost at sea, he would eat the raft.

tony squares walked the l.a. marathon and came in 865th place.

tony squares created his own language based on a series of “what’s up” nods.

tony squares is not a model. he could be, but he’s too attractive and not vain enough.

tony squares reads the bible.

tony squares is not gay, not even a little. the gayest thing he’s ever done involved a threesome with three women.

tony squares once accused a valet of trying to steal his car.

romance novels are based on the stories women tell each other about tony squares.

he has never farted.

submitted by kathleen jordache, webmaster.

tony squares thinks “i’m gonna be (500 miles)” is a catchy song. everyone does.

tony squares relates more to harry in “when harry met sally…” because, even though he’s more like meg ryan’s character… still, billy crystal is a guy.

tony squares thinks YOU’RE stupid.

if there’s a tie, tony squares is the tie-breaker.

tony squares has never done “the hustle.”

tony squares believes politics are better left to the politicians.

tony squares is always very good with the mothers.

truth be told, tony squares is terrified of commitment.

tony squares is not affiliated with this website in any way, shape or form.

tony squares was once a matador… either that or he just wore a bunch of red.

tony squares wakes up looking this good. he cannot give you any tips about grooming.

tony squares doesn’t burn, he tans. he tans evenly.

tony squares was a cute baby.

sure, it was an okay movie.

submitted by kathleen jordache, webmaster.

yesterday, i found tony squares’s wallet in my girlfriend’s bedroom. it seemed weird at the time to find it there until she explained everything to me (oops, i thought you had to be in school to have homework). anyway, i scanned his license because i thought you guys would be interested. he looks great and whathaveyou and under sex he put “y” (hilarious!), but i noticed that donor was mispelled. here’s a closer look:

i’m thinking it might be a fake i.d. because there are plenty of other things wrong with it, which begs the question, why would a grown man need a fake i.d.? unless he just lost his… anyway, i’m sure it’s just a typo! enjoy!

submitted by joshua wahlberg.

happy 4-20, mother fuckers! my buddy sent this to me because apparently it’s the biggest thing on the internet right now. it even got a two-page write up in “high times” magazine or whatever it’s called. i don’t like the message at the bottom, though. i don’t like things with messages.

there’s a rumor going around that it’s not authentic, and that’s kinda like andy warhol using jesus without his permission, right?

submitted by carlos iglesias.

a friend of mine and i saw tony squares getting into his car somewhere around hollywood, so we asked if we could take a picture of him. it cost $14 and the car was too shiny and spotless to photograph well, but you should still be able to see that it is indeed a sporty model as had been hypothesised.

as for the rumor about it being leased… well, it just seems like a smart decision for him right now.

submitted by carlyle romanowski.